August 10, 2012 § Leave a comment
Or I’m just starting. Whichever you prefer. I graduated last Sunday, and found out Tuesday I had passed my boards. I’m officially a PT (waiting for my license…but still).
It’s odd to think that life just flows. That one thing happens after another. When I started school I never thought I’d get here, yet here is now, here we are. Starting September 17, I’ll have a real job, hopefully working with children.
There’s a mix of excited/scared/terrified/blessed…etc. Any word you can think of really. I’ve realized that life moves on, and this week off of responsibility has FLOWN by. It’s already Friday, and this week has been filled with family and friends, packing and cleaning, sleeping in, and eating food that’s bad for me.
It’s wonderful and sad at the same time. I’ve been trying so hard to grasp the “living in the moment” concept that has escaped me for years. Living in the right now, being thankful for the day that I have, loving all opportunities to just relax, or eat out with friends, or see my family. Not wishing for things to be different, but loving what I have.
That’s always been difficult for me. As I read through the posts i’ve done in the past, I realize how oriented I was on graduating and passing my boards. And now that that’s over, I realize how much I miss being in school. I mean, I think there will always be a part of that. But I’m trying to realize how little worry should play a part in my life, especially as a christian.
I prayed for a long time yesterday. I had spoken to my new boss on the phone, and he had discussed with me the ideas he has for opening the pediatric part of our clinic, and it was very ambitious. As a new grad, I felt a little overwhelmed. I’m still trying to figure out all the rules, regulations, and treatment strategies. To hear him talk about my being in charge of the pediatric part of the clinic made me excited and scared. He had questions for me I couldn’t answer.
I prayed. And the Lord heard me. Immediately after owning up to all my fears, I thought of Moses. And Samuel. And Joshua. David, Ruth, Mary. All these people in the bible that were so ordinary. I remember reading the story of Moses, and how he did not want to speak, did not want to do the job God laid out for Him. He argued with God, and yet God used Him to do great things. Ruth, and woman from another city, a gentile city, who became part of God’s family tree. David, and young boy who tended sheep, who wasn’t even part of the royal family, yet God used for so much good. Samuel, a child, who God used to direct the King of Israel.
God can use me. I am afraid, I am not worthy, I am just so ordinary, but God can use me. And I think, I know he will. If I can control my worry, refuse to be anxious, and trust in Him, He will use me. I really feel that this is what He’s called me to do, and I don’t want to shirk from that. I want to step up. I know I’ll make mistakes, but God forgives. God uses imperfections.
I’m trying to make progress. I’ve realized that, despite my mistakes, God is using me. Despite my penchant for anxiety and worry, God is holding me up in His arms, and leading me in the path I should go. I need to take it one day at a time, but I believe this is what I’m called to do.