June 30, 2012 § Leave a comment
Is there a right choice? Between two turning points?
I’m ready to graduate. 4 weeks and counting. And I’m taking my boards early. Which…I may have jumped the gun. I haven’t been able to study as much as I wished. However, 4 more weeks to cram it in, and my practice tests have been steadily improving. So… here we go right? But, because I’m taking my boards early, that means I am able to do other things early. Like, find a job.
Oh, finding a job. So far, I’ve been to 5 interviews. 1 feels right, the other four are just a blur. Would I work there? Who offers more benefits? What if they don’t like me? What if I’m not good enough?
Ahhhhhhhh. I have being a “new grad”. When can I just have all the knowledge?
I get it. It’s a process. No one starts out an expert. But it’s a little nerve wracking to have people start coming to you, wanting to know what’s wrong with them, and to not be an expert. Let’s be honest. Also, a lot of the jobs I applied for (3 out of the 5) are places I had clinical in. Meaning, these people know me. As a student. As someone who didn’t have most of the answers before. And here I am, moseying on back, ready to put my 3 cents into the pot and start actually seeing real people. On my own.
So I may be freaking out.
Really, it boils down to 2 choices. Which, actually, I haven’t officially heard back from either choice that I’ve gotten the job. But, honestly, I’m pretty sure at both places I’ve gotten the job. So, here I am, weighing the pros and cons. I’m so nervous about picking the wrong spot or deciding the wrong thing.
And here it is, at 5:18 on my day of rest. And my mind is not restful.
I started the day with Jesus. But I’m wondering what I’m doing wrong, that this is my concern right now. Not coming closer to the savior. Not spending the last 4 hours of the sabbath being with family, talking about God, or praying. But worrying.
And that’s just not gonna cut it. This was my day off. From opening my boards books, from taking practice tests and cramming in tons of knowledge. This is it. Tomorrow the week starts all over again and I don’t get another chance to relax until next Sabbath.
I will not waste this worrying.
It’s a choice. I can choose to be joyful. I can choose to rest.