December 28, 2011 § Leave a comment

I don’t like to wait

I like plans. I like forging ahead. I like it when things happen.That’s why I make lists. And calculations. And countdown calendars.

In 7 months, 1 week, and 1 day I’ll graduate. In 300 days I’ll take my boards.

I think part of the problem is these things have to be planned. It’s hard to get out of that mentality, when for the past 5.5 years I’ve had to make plans in order to succeed. If I don’t plan and schedule, I miss the boat. But at what point does that become a detriment to the rest of your life?

I can feel something inside me telling me to slow down. Telling me to enjoy life where it is. I make too many plans, countdown the days of my life, focus too much on one single event that I think will make me happy. And then it doesn’t. I pass my test, then begin planning my study session for the next one. I sign a lease for my first apartment, and begin searching the internet for new homes.

Life just happens. It does. I’m not knocking timelines or goals. These are good things, that have carried me through 5+ years of college, put money into my savings account, and gotten me through every big event thus far in my life. But, I’ll say it again. Life just happens. And if I constantly wish for the next big thing to happen to me, I miss the present.

And the present is pretty. darn. good. When I can sit on the couch and talk with my family, life is good. When my husband and I can take a trip together, life is good. When I can call my best friend anytime I want, life is good. When I can come home to my own place, buy my own food, and love a good man, life is good.

And I’m missing it. When I bury myself in dreams, I miss it.

Someday I’ll buy a house. Someday I’ll have some babies. Someday I’ll have a great job. I will graduate. I will take (and pass!) my board exams.

But right now, I need to live in my right now.

So New Year’s Resolution # 2: Live in the present.


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